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| My Liverpool Race number, This definitely means it's real! |
It’s something that a few years ago I couldn’t even dare contemplate. I didn’t want to think about doing things like this as I struggled to believe that they could ever happen. In my tired zombie like state getting through the days was hard enough. It felt like the M.E would never let me recover enough to play sport again. Thinking about it just hurt, reminding me of a past life, of things I thought I wouldn’t be able to do again.
There was a dream I had when I was really ill where I was running around the lanes near my home. Why I was running I don’t really know but I was running and it felt great, it felt like freedom. I woke up in that euphoric state you sometimes find yourself after a run. For a few seconds as the real and imaginary combined I was still out there, then reality took over and the high slipped from my grasp. In real life I could never run like that and experience those feelings. Dreaming was as close as I would get. The tiredness still had me in its grasp.
Well this is definitely real, the feeling in the pit of my stomach says so. The pre race nerves that started as background noise last weekend have now become deafening. If anyone mentions the word marathon my stomach turns. There is no way I’m getting any sleep tonight.
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| All this lot are running as well. Runners from CDF Runners and Dockside Runners pose for a pre race pic |
It’s been six months of training, but what feels like a lifetime of waiting to get here, tomorrow can’t come soon enough. I’ve had it with the waiting, I just want to run, it’s what I do now.
Each week so far the plan has been a simple one to follow, run lots, run some more and then keep on running. The more I run the, stronger I get and the closer I edge towards my goal. Suddenly all this had to stop, the plan was flipped on its head.
The race was getting close and I had to start tapering, whatever the hell that was? I wasn’t quite sure how to deal with it. In simple terms tapering is cutting down the amount of mileage you run before a race, in theory meaning you start it feeling energetic and fresh after months of putting yourself through hell.
This meant a complete u-turn in attitude, I had to try and cut down on the thing my life has been based around for six months. I felt like an addict being asked to cut out the substance they rely on to exist.
This is perhaps the hardest bit of the training so far, not running is really bloody tough.
Up until now running has been the solution to all of life's problems,
-If I feel tired I run
-bad day at work I run
-Feeling stressed I run
-Need time to think I run
-Need time not to think I run
In fact with pretty much everything running just seems to help.
These last couple of weeks I haven’t been running so much and I’m starting to listen to my own thoughts and take notice of the voices inside my head. This really isn't a good thing.
Doubt has started to creep in, what if I had just gone a couple of miles more on the long run or done some more double sessions? Surely I haven't done enough training, or eaten the right kinds of food. There’s so much more I should have done, maybe I should have tried to cram in that one last long run? That would have helped.
Each week so far the plan has been a simple one to follow, run lots, run some more and then keep on running. The more I run the, stronger I get and the closer I edge towards my goal. Suddenly all this had to stop, the plan was flipped on its head.
The race was getting close and I had to start tapering, whatever the hell that was? I wasn’t quite sure how to deal with it. In simple terms tapering is cutting down the amount of mileage you run before a race, in theory meaning you start it feeling energetic and fresh after months of putting yourself through hell.
This meant a complete u-turn in attitude, I had to try and cut down on the thing my life has been based around for six months. I felt like an addict being asked to cut out the substance they rely on to exist.
This is perhaps the hardest bit of the training so far, not running is really bloody tough.
Up until now running has been the solution to all of life's problems,
-If I feel tired I run
-bad day at work I run
-Feeling stressed I run
-Need time to think I run
-Need time not to think I run
In fact with pretty much everything running just seems to help.
These last couple of weeks I haven’t been running so much and I’m starting to listen to my own thoughts and take notice of the voices inside my head. This really isn't a good thing.
Doubt has started to creep in, what if I had just gone a couple of miles more on the long run or done some more double sessions? Surely I haven't done enough training, or eaten the right kinds of food. There’s so much more I should have done, maybe I should have tried to cram in that one last long run? That would have helped.
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| One of the runs I did do this week |
It’s been hard to shut out all of these thoughts and try to think clearly. I’ve had too much time to analyse what I have and haven’t been able to do over the last few months. Mentally these last two weeks have been the toughest part of the training and a few little injury niggles really haven’t helped. A quick trip to the physio has hopefully sorted things out but I can still feel niggles and twinges in my legs. I’ve got to the stage where I can’t work out if they are real or if it’s just all in my head. I can’t stop myself from thinking over and over about the race wondering about all things that may or may not happen on the day. It’s going to be a relief just to get on the start line knowing that all I have to do is run. In my head I’ve already run this race a thousand times.
Tomorrow though I do this for real, I’m going out for a little morning run. Tomorrow I’m going to run a marathon and I can’t wait.
Tomorrow though I do this for real, I’m going out for a little morning run. Tomorrow I’m going to run a marathon and I can’t wait.
Here is a link to my just giving page, raising money for Action for M.E.
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