I've not been injured for a little while now. If you look at my Strava it shows what looks like a reasonably healthy mileage chart. I've actually been running quite a bit, but it's not really been running like I used to know it.
This year my running is probably best described as injury management. I've just been happy to get back through the door in one piece, ready to try and go a little bit further the next time.
Gone are the Fartlek (I still laugh every time I say it) Interval and Tempo sessions, replaced by evenly paced, slower runs, designed to get my body and more specifically my ankle used to going just that little bit further each run.
For much of this year, every time I tried to run faster or further, I would get a horrible twinge of pain in my ankle, as my body let me know it couldn't quite keep up with what my mind wanted to do. 2017 has been a long plod up to this point. Gradually though, the mileage has started to increase and now I can enter races I thought may pass me by. So far, I seem to be successfully passing my injury management training course. I'm still running, it’s just not quite how I would like to be running.
It’s not been all bad these last few months, it's just been a different kind of running. I've had to forget about PBs and goal times. Initially it was hard giving that up but if anything it’s going to make me enjoy the upcoming races more. For once, I can forget about setting targets, I don't have to put any pressure on myself. I can soak up the atmosphere and take in the crowds. it’s a far cry from last year, when I became involved in an obsessive race against myself, constantly trying to achieve challenges my mind had created.
After my first marathon I had struggled to decide what to do next. Part of me suddenly realised that running could never be new again, the fast flowing river of self discovery had steadily meandered into the flatlands. I could never re-discover the sport and, once again experience the fresh, spring like feeling of the new and unexplored. This, I have now realised, was the marathon blues. So what could banish them?
The answer came in one five letter word. SPEED. The next challenge was to get quicker. Every run became about repeating and trying to improve on some goal I had already completed. Running became like Groundhog Day. Running became like Groundhog Day. Running beca....you get the point. Actually, running became like Groundhog Day in fast forward.
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| No caption needed, any excuse to use this pic from the film |
There was the pressure of trying to constantly improve, if I wasn't quicker or faster than I was yesterday, this time last week or last year then I had failed. Don't get me wrong, I was enjoying seeing how far I could push myself, but this goal centric style of running was exhausting. I guess it was only a matter of time before something broke. That something being me.
I only had a short time off with the injury but the frustration quickly became unbearable. I couldn’t help but taunt myself by thinking how much fitness I was losing, how much pace was ebbing away the more I sat around. I had to get back running, I had to keep on chasing the goals.
That PB hungry, time chasing runner of last year now feels like a different person. It has to be this way, If it wasn't, I would get injured all over again. Actually it's the reason my injury was so much worse than it should have been. I just couldn't give running up. I had to get back out as quickly as possible. My goals were running away from me over the horizon, I couldn't help but try and chase them. A few painful hobbles around the block later and those targets disappeared from view. My running year was starting to look very different from the one I expected.
It took time to let that previous version of myself go. To see potential P.Bs disappearing into the distance was unbelievably frustrating but the first parkrun back convinced me that running is so much more than just trying to be quicker than some number in my head.
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| parkruns have been slow this year but I've still loved running them |
It was a slow amble around the course but I finished it relatively pain free. I was halfway down the field running a time that I would have been disgusted with only a few weeks before but I was running again and I couldn’t stop smiling. It was so damn good. The runners high was back and I had't had to beat any time to enjoy it. It's amazing how not doing something makes you realise how much you love doing it. I just needed to run, no matter how short and slow those runs were.
Of course I want to be back to how I was running last year but, you know what, it’s actually been rather nice to forget about pace and to go running just because I fancy a run.
Ok, so I still take my watch out on the runs. To run without my Garmin would feel like running naked and as the saying goes if the runs not on Strava then it didn’t happen. The difference is that I’m not glancing down at it every few seconds worried that I may be falling behind my training plan. It’s a less stressful run, one where I can look around and enjoy the view a bit more.
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| My runs last year were ruled by this thing |
My most important goal this year has been to keep on running, so far I’ve just about managed that. Whilst it’s strange not to actually race, races, I’m still looking forward to running them. They will just be slightly different to what I have become used to. It will be a new experience to actually take in the crowd and see the sights, free from the pressures of a self-induced time goal. In the run up to the marathon last year I was unbelievably nervous. This year, most of those nerves are replaced by excitement. I’m looking forward to actually being able to remember a race for once.
The goal based runner is still there though, hiding just underneath the surface. As my fitness improves and my pace gets better, I know I won't be able to resist chasing targets again. My competitive streak just won’t let go that easily.
