I think it’s safe to say running has become an obsession. When I'm not actually out there doing it, I am talking about it, thinking about it and doing any number of things connected with it.
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| It wouldn't be a Saturday without a parkrun. Here I'm running the course in Cardiff |
Back in the beginning it was just running. I would go out, jog a bit, come back, die for a few minutes and then hope that exercise had done its thing and the high would kick in. Running was a process I went through in order to tackle my M.E. Once the run was finished I would try to forget about it until that inevitable feeling of dread would sit in the pit of my stomach and I realised it was time to head out of the door again.
Something changed though, somewhere along the line running went from a process to a passion. Rather than trying not to think about it I would actively look forward to going out for that next run. I would spend money on better kit as I started to realise there was a myriad of things that could be done to make that next run better and faster. Soon a full blown obsession had broken out. Running is why I'm here on the foam roller, why this morning I tried doing single leg squats in the shower, it's why I try to out plank the ad breaks on TV.
Obsession often seems to be associated with bad things. You hear about politicians obsessed with power, multinational companies obsessed with money and profits, Bond villains obsess about taking over the world and many runners seem to have a dangerous obsession with cake. To be obsessed is not considered a healthy thing. To focus and indulge on one thing to the detriment of everything else is apparently narrow minded. It's seen to be a dangerous element of life, excessive, indulgent and extremist. The argument is that to live to life to the full you need to broaden your horizons and see what else the World can offer. Well as much as I like a good horizon I do love having an obsession.
Surely to have an obsession, to have the discipline and dedication to achieve all you can in one task is a good thing. For the past couple of weeks we have watched some of the world’s greatest obsessive’s at the Olympics in Rio. These athletes are a reminder of just what humans can achieve if they dedicate their whole existence to one task. Obsession combined with the right knowledge, skills and determination can be a very powerful thing.
Something changed though, somewhere along the line running went from a process to a passion. Rather than trying not to think about it I would actively look forward to going out for that next run. I would spend money on better kit as I started to realise there was a myriad of things that could be done to make that next run better and faster. Soon a full blown obsession had broken out. Running is why I'm here on the foam roller, why this morning I tried doing single leg squats in the shower, it's why I try to out plank the ad breaks on TV.
Obsession often seems to be associated with bad things. You hear about politicians obsessed with power, multinational companies obsessed with money and profits, Bond villains obsess about taking over the world and many runners seem to have a dangerous obsession with cake. To be obsessed is not considered a healthy thing. To focus and indulge on one thing to the detriment of everything else is apparently narrow minded. It's seen to be a dangerous element of life, excessive, indulgent and extremist. The argument is that to live to life to the full you need to broaden your horizons and see what else the World can offer. Well as much as I like a good horizon I do love having an obsession.
Surely to have an obsession, to have the discipline and dedication to achieve all you can in one task is a good thing. For the past couple of weeks we have watched some of the world’s greatest obsessive’s at the Olympics in Rio. These athletes are a reminder of just what humans can achieve if they dedicate their whole existence to one task. Obsession combined with the right knowledge, skills and determination can be a very powerful thing.
An obsession can take over your life, it can be the centre point of your existence but it can also get you through life when times are bad. It's what got me through the years when I was really ill. In the space of weeks M.E took control of me, I went from being a sports mad teenager to hardly being able to make it out of my bedroom.
What had once been an amazing wide landscape view of life, taking in all sorts of possibilities and activities, had suddenly been constricted to a narrow gap of sunlight in the clouds. All those possibilities were now out of sight. I had a choice, I could either dwell on what I was missing or throw my limited amount of energy into the few things I could actually do. If I could obsess over just one or two things then I could fill the void, that way I could still enjoy life.
When I was ill I chose to focus all my energy on Formula One. It's a sport that I have been in love with all my life. Now I could use my time to find out every little detail about the sport. I would watch every race, re-runs of old races and consume as many books, magazines and newspaper articles as possible. I was a full on armchair expert. Most of my waking life was taken up with thinking about the sport. If I filled my time with thinking about F1 and obsessing over it I could keep on living. It helped me avoid the bad thoughts, it helped me stop thinking about what I could be doing if I wasn't ill, about all those things in life that I had lost. It made me realise I had to focus on the things I could do, the things I could still enjoy. It gave my life purpose, it gave me reason to try and get out of bed in the morning.
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| Formula One was already a passion of mine but it my obsession with the sport helped me when I was ill. |
Obsession has given me so much in life but in two distinctly different ways. When I couldn't control the things in my life I ended up obsessing over the skills and achievements of others. Now things have changed, I have control over the M.E and to a certain extent control over what I do in my life. Rather than focus on the achievements of others I can now obsess over my own goals and achievements. I can put my energy into running and think about every little detail to make my performance better.
For me one of the best things in life is to find something you enjoy and to put time and effort into trying to take part in that activity to the very best of your abilities. Yes, there are limitless possibilities in this world, you can spend a lifetime trying different activities and experiences but to get to your limit of abilities and skills in one activity is to live to the full. It's to find out what you are really about and just what you can achieve as a human being.
I do have other hobbies, honest, but If you took every other pastime out of my life and gave me a pair of trainers then I would still be a happy man. Running has given me so much more than just a form of exercise. Every time I lace up those shoes and go out of the door I experience new things, every mile helps me find out so much more about who I am and what makes up my character. Obsession may revolve around one activity, but that one obsession can bring you a whole lifetime of experiences and emotions.
